Wednesday, July 24, 2013

labels and putdowns

I'm stupid. I can't do this. I can't do anything. I'm selfish. I hate myself. Everyone hates me.

These are thoughts that have lived in my mind since I was in elementary school. Right around the time my memory started clinging to time. The memories of hearing these things come out of the angry mouth of the person that was supposed to love me, have been neatly organized and filed in my mind. Whenever I feel down about myself, these thoughts come out to help me stomp on my already beaten down spirit.

Why am I telling you this?

Awhile back I shared some deep and personal details with you. I shared my experience with safety and security and how it feels to be a child without them. I shared the importance of creating an environment that builds a child up with healthy relationships and a healthy and strong home.

I want to share more with you to help you understand the importance of leaving labels and putdowns out of your angry and frustrated words.
They make us crazy, I know. They ignite fire in us, I know. It's totally normal. This is real life. We get mad at our kids for little stuff and big stuff and I think it's important to be real with them, to talk respectfully to them and to make our frustrations known. It's easy to get swept away in it, though. Let the fire engulf us and spew angry and vicious things. But we have to be in control of ourselves, always. Think first about every word, every syllable that escapes our lips. You can get your point across without insulting them. Without tarnishing their spirit. Without breaking them down.

So, leave the insults, putdowns and labels out of it. They love us. Can you believe it? They love us no matter how many times we screw up, burn dinner, snap at them, rush them. They love us no matter what.

So, be mad when you need you to, be angry that they don't listen, don't clean up their rooms and don't eat their vegetables. But don't call them names. This world offers enough chances for their spirits to feel stomped on, let's give them a safe place to take shelter.

Because, believe me, those words hurt, dig deep, scar. They break hearts and shatter dreams.

Don't shatter dreams. Build those babies up. And you know...they only make us crazy because we love them so much.

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